Recently I have been in a "fuck life" type of mindset. What happened? I mean... that is a dumb question, because I know exactly what happened. It wasn't just one thing, but a string of events; a year of "what the fuck" moments; even more years of betrayal. Why must things that happen change my entire way of thinking? You would think I would be proud of myself for getting through everything and accomplishing everything that I have; nope. I have always had problems in my life, but would remain optimistic, no matter what. Why not now? I wish I could control my mind, I really do. I would like to think no one can control their minds, therefor I'm just normal. Really, though I just don't know. I try to live life to the fullest and embrace everything positive, but when the negatives outshine the positives, this becomes a problem.
The idea of Karma interests me. It makes sense and it would be nice to believe in something, even if it's just an idea, rather than a being or god of some sort. But, when I have the worst luck of anyone I know and EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong, goes wrong, and I haven't done a thing to deserve it, my belief in karma dies. Life is just so stressful and confusing and it stresses me out even more that supposedly, these are the "good years"; the "easy years". Please tell me that is not the case. I'd like to believe that once I graduate college and make a life for myself, I will be happy. Once I have money, I will be happy. That's sad, but I don't care. Everyone knows money truely can buy happiness, no matter what anyone says. It might not buy "true" happiness, but life would definitely be much less stressful if I had money to do whatever I wanted. Money can buy anything besides love and that is something I have already found.
I'm just ranting and I don't even know if this makes sense, but there is another spill out of my mind.
Thanks for reading <3
You are in college, you have a roof over your head and food to eat. I am sure you are grateful for that. I am sure you are grateful for having the opportunity to gk to college. You are obviously smart, care about the world and the people living in it I am sure those are atributes that will take you far in life. U are a freshman and freshman year usually sucks! My advice for you is to get involved in campus life! Join clubs, volunteer, get involved in student government!
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure about what all you've gone through, but just think, it could always be worse. You may believe that money will make you happy, but "more money, more problems". I can tell that you're a strong girl and you can overcome whatever you put your mind to. The definition of "mind" is the element or complex of elements in an individual that feels, perceives, thinks, wills, and especially reasons. Your mind will continue to be altered, no matter what.
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