Recently I have been in a "fuck life" type of mindset. What happened? I mean... that is a dumb question, because I know exactly what happened. It wasn't just one thing, but a string of events; a year of "what the fuck" moments; even more years of betrayal. Why must things that happen change my entire way of thinking? You would think I would be proud of myself for getting through everything and accomplishing everything that I have; nope. I have always had problems in my life, but would remain optimistic, no matter what. Why not now? I wish I could control my mind, I really do. I would like to think no one can control their minds, therefor I'm just normal. Really, though I just don't know. I try to live life to the fullest and embrace everything positive, but when the negatives outshine the positives, this becomes a problem.
The idea of Karma interests me. It makes sense and it would be nice to believe in something, even if it's just an idea, rather than a being or god of some sort. But, when I have the worst luck of anyone I know and EVERYTHING that could possibly go wrong, goes wrong, and I haven't done a thing to deserve it, my belief in karma dies. Life is just so stressful and confusing and it stresses me out even more that supposedly, these are the "good years"; the "easy years". Please tell me that is not the case. I'd like to believe that once I graduate college and make a life for myself, I will be happy. Once I have money, I will be happy. That's sad, but I don't care. Everyone knows money truely can buy happiness, no matter what anyone says. It might not buy "true" happiness, but life would definitely be much less stressful if I had money to do whatever I wanted. Money can buy anything besides love and that is something I have already found.
I'm just ranting and I don't even know if this makes sense, but there is another spill out of my mind.
Thanks for reading <3
